Muslims?

So here's what happened.  I got hired to write for this website and it has been taking up all of my time.  In case you care about Muslims or any other things political, you should check it out.  If you click on the tab called Shit People Say, you will see several posts by yours truly.  

As we all know, I care deeply about the Muslims world...YOU GUYS THAT'S A LIE!!!!  I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK A MUSLIM IS!  It was clear that this job would require some research.  To be fair, I had heard about Muslims before and was certain I knew at least a few things about them  – I mean, I'm not totally stupid.

#1 Muslims Hate Jesus.  I was sure of this but decided to research it because I take my job seriously.  You will never believe this but Muslims don’t hate Jesus!  They actually regard him as a prophet.  They just think Muhammad was smarter or something.  I’m gonna be honest.  I stopped reading.  Once I found out that Muslims didn’t hate Jesus I was perplexed because it blew a lot of holes into my next theory.

#2 Muslims Hate Me And Are Trying To Kill Me.  I ran into a lot of trouble on this one because, as it turns out, there is more than one kind of Muslim.  I guess this makes sense seeing as there is more than one kind of Christian but honestly, my mind was blown.  Now I had to categorize the Muslims into a) Muslims that hate me and are trying to kill me and b) other.

#3 My Religion Is Superior To The Muslim Religion.  I was super sure of this one and fully ready to extrapolate when I came to the horrifying realization that I have no idea what religion I am.  I went to call my Grandma and then remembered that she died like three years ago rendering that bitch useless.  Of course then I started to feel bad because I don’t even know if I believe in Heaven or Hell meaning I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE MY DEAD GRANDMA IS!

Ugh…religion is confusing.  I’m determined to find out what a Muslim is.  As of right now I can tell you, unequivocally, that they don’t hate Jesus and they may or may not be with my dead grandma right now.

So anyway, apparently there's an entire section of the world called "The Middle East" and I'm determined to learn more about it.  If you too would like to know why some bitch zillions of miles away is covering herself with a blanket every day, pop over to the other blog.  If blankets scare you but you're dying to know if I'll ever fit into pants, stay right here.  I deeply love everyone.  Thanks for reading!