Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A Conversation With Phil Collins

Musicians write songs for people; people they love, people they hate, and people they may never see again. They write down the words they couldn’t find in the moment, set those words to music and then offer them up for the world to hear. And unless you’re participating in an East Coast/West Coast rap battle, you rarely get a chance to respond.

I like to imagine that Phil Collins wrote his epic love ballad, Against All Odds, just for me. Mr. Collins, I have a few things to say…

Phil Collins: How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace?

Me: Without a trace? Take it easy pal, I said you could keep the couch.

PC: When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh.

Me: Excuse me?

PC: You're the only one who really knew me at all.

Me: Phil, you’re being dramatic. Tons of people “get” you.

PC: How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave?

Me: An excellent question. Why don’t you do me a solid and get the door.

PC: Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain, and even shared the tears.

Me: I’d say it was mostly the tears that I wasn’t really in to.

PC: You're the only one who really knew me at all.

Me: I feel like we just did this.

PC: So take a look at me now.

Me: Seriously?

PC: Cause there's just an empty space.

Me: Phil, you’re dead inside.

PC: And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face.

Me: And the couch! My grandma gave me that couch and I am giving it to you. You’re welcome.

PC: Take a look at me now.

Me: Good grief, Phil.

PC: Cause there's just an empty space.

Me: *blank staring*

PC: And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face.

Me: Listen Phil, it’s been great but I should really…

PC: I wish I could just make you turn around.

Me: Are we not done here?

PC: Turn around and see me cry.

Me: Again with the crying?

PC: There's so much I need to say to you.

Me: More? You have been babbling since I walked in the door.

PC: So many reasons why.

Me: I have reasons too. You’re short, you’re not interesting, you never wake up to take the dog out and sometimes you drool when you talk.

PC: You're the only one who really knew me at all.

Me: You’re doing it. It’s just a little bit of drool that seeps out of the side of your mouth. Super gross.

PC: So take a look at me now.

Me: I hate this.

PC: Cause there's just an empty space

Me: Ya know what? I’m leaving. This is crazy.

PC: And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face.

Me: Fine. I’ll leave the picture of us at Space Mountain.

PC: Take a look at me now.

Me: I literally wish I was blind.

PC: Cause there's just an empty space

Me: You’re right. I’m taking the couch. You don’t deserve it.

PC: But to wait for you, well that's all I can do and that's what I've got to face

Me: Bye Phil. You really blew it.

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