What If Everyone Was Right? #1

What if the only way to happiness is through money, success and beauty. Let's be honest folks, if this is the case, I'm fucked. Once in a blue moon, I build some confidence and waltz right down Melrose and into the nearest trendy boutique and think, "today is the day that I access the mystifying and elusive world of leggings." 30 minutes later, after the sales woman has me draped in scarves, gold heels, and peacock feather earrings, I take a look at myself and still only see some Midwestern broad in overalls, then I switch to, "Oh Christ, what's the point" and I start actively seeking chocolate. Isn't it possible that skinny jeans and I will never get along? I have to believe that if that's the truth, I will still be able to thrive in this world. Do you have any idea what it’s like to valet your 2001 Daewoo at The W? Well its beyond distressing. I can't do it all people. If I'm going to eat at The W then you're going to have to accept my horrible car. You're also going to have to accept the fact that I bought this outfit at Target. And yes, these are boot cut jeans....deal with it. You're not better than me.